oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
