she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
