ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
