I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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