and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
