hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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