just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
