nut hugger
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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