I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
