If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
