Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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