How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
