sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
