At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
