i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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