Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
