low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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