Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
