So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
