is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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