Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
