Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
