I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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