thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
