Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
