I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
BRING THE BAGELS
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
