bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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