The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
