I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
