Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
