guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize