He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
