it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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