no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
