he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
