she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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