Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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