my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
