a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
is wine microwaveable?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
