i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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