Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
