i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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