You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The feeling are messing with the penis
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
