Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
this just has baby written all over it
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
