Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
