I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Let's get the cat blown out
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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