Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
