My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
