the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
