girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
