is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
