i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
im having a threesome with these popsicles
love makes seman taste better
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
