I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
high people should be assigned attendants
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
