I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
