i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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