I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
