We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
