I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
