she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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