oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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