Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
