I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize