If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
