where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
