they need to just BURY HIM!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
