Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
