i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
