Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
